Are You There God? It's me, Tiffany.

Can I confess something, just between us girlfriends? Lately, I have felt, as Natalie Grant's song "I Will Not Be Moved" so beautifully puts it, "my prayers feel like they're bouncing off the sky." Does anybody relate? 

My husband has a debilitating nerve condition called RSD that causes him to be in intense pain all the time. I have worn out my knees praying for him to be healed, to not be in pain, to be able to fulfill his dream of being a pastor, to no avail. Granted, there are days that are better than others, and God has opened doors for medical treatment that has given him extended periods of relief from his pain, but there has been no sudden, miraculous healing. Today has been an especially bad day, as cold days often are for people with RSD, and as a wife it is devastatingly painful to watch someone you love so much suffer and be completely helpless to stop it.

As if that isn't enough, James and I have been trying to have another child for the past 8 years. We have taken all the fertility meds, tried medical intervention, and, most of all, have prayed, fasted and pleaded with God to bless us with a child while everyone around us (well, it SEEMS like everyone) just keeps popping up pregnant without even trying.

It would be so easy for me to get mad at God, to feel like "He's not even listening-what is the point in praying?" Or "If God REALLY loved me and cared about my life, He would have answered this prayer by now". I know in my heart that I am not alone in feeling this way.

Praise God for His love letter to us, the Bible. He speaks to brokenhearted, frustrated, fed up women like us through His living Word. 

First of all, God tells us in several places that HE knows the plans He has for us, even if we don't. I know I have used it before, but Jeremiah 29:11 is probably my favorite verse in all of God's Word. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."(NIV). I love the way The Message puts it; "I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." 

We may think "Ok God, but why can't Your plans match mine?" In Isaiah 55:9 God tells us "“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."(NIV) Basically, God is telling us " I am God, and you are not. I have already seen how your story ends, and I am not going to change the plot in any way that is less than than the best I have planned for you." Kind of like when we tell our kids no, and when they ask  "WHY?" our mothers' words come pouring out of our mouths before we know what happened- "I'm the Mommy, that's why." Only in God's case, it would be "I'm The Daddy, that's why." 

I think that sometimes as Christians this is how we feel about prayer: that if we ask God for something, He will automatically give it to us because we are His and we asked.   In her book Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl, Lysa Terkeurst addresses this. She writes, "It was like God was a vending machine. I put in what was required, and then He was supposed to give me what rule-following-people deserved. As long as I kept up my end of the deal, God would bless me." Later in the book she describes how her baby sister fell very ill as an infant and she began praying to God to heal her, promising to be good, to go to church more, to pray more etc. etc. (Sound familiar?) In the end, her baby sister died and Lysa writes this about how she felt " My flawed ideas of God would only let me love Him when He did good things...He heard my cries. He watched me promise her everything would be okay as I sang her those lullabies. He saw her pain. And He just let her die? I could not sort through this and find anything that made sense."

Boy can I relate. My husband gave his life to God and surrendered to the ministry and the preaching of the gospel. Shouldn't that have earned him enough points to be healed from his pain so he could live out his calling? I sing in the choir, have taught Sunday school, worked with the youth and answered God's call to write this blog. My husband and I have suffered the heartbreak of a miscarriage, failed fertility treatments, and a failed adoption so don't I deserve to have my prayers for a child answered? 

The very next verse after my favorite one, Jeremiah 29:12 is the verse that changed Lysa's heart and speaks to my personal hurt. It promises "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you." It doesn't say "Then you will come pray to me and I will give you whatever you want." It simply promises that no matter how much we feel that our prayers hit the ozone layer and burn up before they get to Heaven, God hears us-EVERY time. Our prayers are precious to God. There is a beautiful picture in Revelation 5:8 which is a scene from the throne room of the Lord where we are told that each of the 24 elders were before the throne of God holding gold bowls which were " full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints." Does that amaze and encourage you like it did me? Our prayers are fragrant to God like incense, and go straight to His throne. 

So sweet sisters, what you and I have to do is follow the instructions of 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19. " Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." No problem right?  (that was sarcasm, in case it didn't translate well in print.)  Thank goodness God promises us that his strength is made perfect in our weakness. So pray on girlfriends, and I will pray for all of you, too. Would you do the same for me? 

Father, please forgive me for doubting that You hear me when I cry out to you. Please help me to praise you when things look bleak and to trust that you have a reason for every blessing you bestow or withhold. Let me look to you each day and thank you for what I have instead of mourning for what I don't. Reveal your plans for me so I can serve you more. I love you Lord, in the mighty Name of Jesus, Amen.